muddy waters

today was a tough day.

last thursday i was sick, so i couldn't take my elderly, Ethiopian client to the clinic (nor did i want to expose him to my germs since he had no insurance or money to pay for medical bills).

today, i try and call him and he has gotten sick and is so sick, he can't come to the phone. this is disconcerting for several reasons... if i had taken him thursday, would he not have gotten so sick? ...he is elderly and has no way to pay for medical treatment... this could potentially be fatal... :( i am just sad and sorry...

then on the bus, a young, african-american mom got on with her child. at one point the child began to cry and wail. all the mother did was stare at her child with a look of "ugh, i'm so tired of you," and then talk on her cell phone. i know all mothers have stories and reasons for why they act the way they do. i don't want to be judgmental. but i wonder how common of a reaction is this... and if it is a common response for this pair, that child is getting messed up for life in terms of attachment... i stared out the window of the bus, wanting to pick the baby up and comfort her, but knowing that is inappropriate and insulting... all the while worship music was playing in my ipod... it felt ironic and that the world is a messed up, sad place.

where is god's goodness in such a broken city? why doesn't a loving father intervene and make his presence known? why does his presence have to only be convenient coincidences that happen? faith is belief in the unseen... the unsensed, the unfelt...