i never thought i was addicted. i only thought that my partaking was a guilty pleasure i indulged in occasionally. i also believed that i was entitled to a bit of relief it provided from the pain of my experience.
but, when i walked into the office and told my hygienist and dentist that i planned on receiving nitrous oxide for my filling today, they exchanged looks, sighs and sat down next to me. the dentist proceeded to explain that he does not provide that to patients anymore because they were getting too used to it and were requesting more and more of the desensitizing goodness.
at this moment, my heart began to drop and my levels of anxiety skyrocketed.
i have never had a filling without nitrous oxide. and i never wanted to.
luckily, the dentist and hygienist were sensitive, intuitive and compassionate. seeing that i was literally near tears (i wish i could tell you this was just for dramatic effect). they gently encouraged me that i could do this and that they would walk me through it slowly, stopping whenever i needed.
still teary, i agreed (mainly feeling trapped because they weren't going to give me nitrous oxide unless i threw a fit) and tried to utilize strengths-based self talk.
well, the story continues and i successfully had my filling without the nitrous oxide. i feel proud that i am taking steps to be weaned from this. but, i really would have preferred the numb, whimsical world to the anxiety-filled experience i had instead (i've never been so focused on my breathing or so full of fear! everytime they brought something to my mouth, i internally freaked out. this results in an internal freak out every 15 seconds for a 15 minute duration... um... it was just a tiny cavity...).
i think it helps me empathize with addicts a tiny bit... very, very tiny... that yes, it is good to be off of a substance... but you would probably prefer to be on it... at least in the moment :).
cheers to substance free dental health!
oh, this is my view from the waiting room of the dental office, pretty snazzy, huh?!:
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