i realized i haven't explained things clearly:
1. in an msw program, there are two internships you need to complete. one during the first year and one during the second year. the second year internship is more specialized towards what you want to focus on and somewhat shapes the next steps you will take.
2. i, overall, have been wrestling with what it means to be a middle-class, white woman in the helping profession. i have a desire to work with people of lower socioeconomic statuses and of different cultures. but my life experiences make me better equipped to work with middle-class white people. also, i ask the questions: "is it paternalistic/maternalistic for a 'rich' woman to 'help' those in a different class?" does that imply that i have something more or better to offer them? isn't that viewing myself as 'better'? and if the beatitudes are true, aren't i the one with something to learn? add to that... do i really help because i genuinely want the other person to gain benefit, or do i do it because it makes me feel better about myself? additionally, with cross-cultural work, it is generally better for individuals within cultures to help each other.
3. ideally, i would love to do therapy with refugees and have my second year internship be such work. realistically, i can't do this (many reasons).
4. the internship search is SUPER competitive. i can't be picky.
5. my only interview thus far has been with a university that is attended chiefly by white, middle class caucasians.
i'll let you do the math.
through this journey, though, i have learned a valuable lesson:
i have placed types of helping in a value hierarchy.
example of faulty reasoning that i've had: it is more valuable for one to help a homeless person than it is to help a university educated doctor. or, a homeless person is more deserving of help than a university educated doctor.
implication for me: i am more "altruistic" and "christ-like" if i help homeless people than if i help a university educated doctor.
outcome i've realized: these are judgments i am not and will never be wise enough to make.
all who are sick need a doctor. we are all sick.
i wish i was more about loving and helping than about judging or assigning value or seeking to be "more christ-like" or "more servant-hearted" than others. i live in such an illusion sometimes.
(behind a lot of this, too, is some basic fear of disappointing people back in pella. if i don't "fight oppression" or "beat injustice", did i just selfishly leave to become a counselor? what did god really "call" me to? i realize with my head that this is silly... but my heart speaks a different language)
. . .
on a much lighter note, my internship was wonderful today. so much joy!!
- i walked into the office today to see one of my bhutanese clients all dressed up in a suit for a job interview that he desperately wants. my heart swelled with pride to see him so hopeful and ready for another step towards resettlement in america.
- my assyrian coworker continues to remind me that language is beautiful, complex and funny. while i was taking orders for starbucks, she seriously looked at me and said, "please get me a cheese irish." i had no idea what that was or if starbucks even sold them. then i realized that she wanted a cheese danish.
- i brought my mental health bible (the DSM-IV-TR) to the internship in case things got slow. in the afternoon, i gave it to my sudanese coworker to show him what i was reading. he opened directly to the page about exhibitionism... whoops!!
. . .
and...
a picture of shells! there was a beach in florida that was covered in layers upon layers of shells! so beautiful. so crunchy!
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